Wednesday, December 31, 2008


Okay, blogosphere, I want to hear your plans for the new year. I plan to eat more healthfully, trade Katie in for a baby that sleeps, and put Maddy on Prozac. Just kidding about the last two, although I have wondered aloud if it's too late to take Katie back. She's been a mess after being sick for a whole MONTH. (Two back to back colds and a stomach virus.) Last night was officially "let her cry and get back on track" night, which basically means if she pops up too early, I just ignore the noise. I'm fine if she wants a bottle around five or six am since she tends to need an extra long night to be a happy baby (I'm talking a 13 to 14 hour night), but if she is not ill or having a bad dream I refuse to get up at midnight, 3am, etc. She's fifteen months old, people. This is ridiculous. Last night it was her 3am wake-up call. It lasted until almost 5am. She is quite tenacious, I'll say that for her. And being her mother, I could tell it started with an "excuse me, I'm awake, service please" grumble that escalated into flat-out ticked off screaming because no one was at her beck and call the way I was for the last month because of illness. Once she stopped trying to wake the neighbors, she slept, popped up for that early bottle at 6:30 then back down until around 9. And woke up so sweet and happy that you never would have known that she and the shrieking devil from 3am were the same child. (Speaking of devil, she texted my brother "666" while she was playing with my phone once. It totally freaked him out. I, however, was not so surprised.) Anyway, let me know what your plan for 2009 is and I'll be filling in more details on mine when I am a bit more well rested. I leave you with this picture. This is my hope and prayer for my baby and myself tonight.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Seven Quick Takes (Vol. 5)

1. My mother doesn't trust the internet. I don't mean she doesn't fall for the "You've won the lottery in France" emails. I mean we found an awesome deal at on something she'd already bought and she refused to return the gift bought in a store and order from Amazon. To the tune of saving around $35. She just can't believe that it's the exact same product and it's that much cheaper.

2. You remember how I posted that my children don't ever do real sign language? Well, I tried and tried to teach the baby the sign for "more" because when she's in the high chair and wants something else to eat she tends to point and scream at me like I'm deaf. I tried this for literally weeks and then gave up. I haven't even attempted to show her that sign again in forever. Lately, she's been trying to say lots of words, even trying to say "more" when I prompt her. My mother visited today and I asked Katie to say "more" to show off her blossoming speech skills and she SIGNED it. And consistently signed and tried to say it the rest of Mama's visit. That little rat.

3. My three year old told me yesterday that she didn't like me. I'm obviously doing my job as a mother. She also apologized at bedtime and said, "I'm sorry I said I didn't like you, Mommy. Sometimes little girls don't like their mommies." Wow. I didn't think she'd make that discovery until at least the preteen years.

4. My one year old has ANOTHER cold. She hadn't even had any totally snot-free days since her last cold that came right before Thanksgiving. I think maybe God giggled when He made her and threw in a couple of slug genes just for fun. She is the single-most mucous producing child I have ever seen. Not the constant clear drippage of an allergic child, but you let her get a cold and her body's only defense seems to be as much snot as her little nose can crank out. Not even a nice little fever to help fight it off, just snot, snot, and more snot.

5. I kind of wish we could get cat. I know the girls would love something furry in the house to love on. I'm not quite ready for a dog, but cats are low maintenance enough that I think I could handle one of those. On the down side, my husband would probably have to move out or his eyes would be permanently swollen shut, hideously bloodshot (stuck with a hot poker bloodshot), and he would start having trouble breathing. When you weigh it all out, it's just not quite worth it.

6. I so need to wrap presents. No, not one is actually wrapped. And no, they're not even all bought.

7. Would it be bad if I toted up all the little people in my house (little people toys, not actual midgets) and just hid them in the basement and brought them all out on my baby's second birthday as part of her gifts? My oldest is pretty much done with them, and the little one isn't really into them yet and I'm so tired of organizing them into their little sets. Okay I rarely do it, but it's such an exercise in futility that I'd like to not even see them for a few months.

See the other quick takes at

Friday, December 5, 2008

Seven Quick Takes (Vol. 4)

And away we go!
1. I drank whiskey last night. I'm not a complete teetotaler. I will have a drink once a year or so, but last night was purely for medicinal reasons. I have bronchitis and a friend of my mother's sent me some whiskey to try and quiet my cough. It was somewhat effective, but I couldn't help but wonder, when I got that slightly loopy feeling, what's the lure of this stuff? Why do some people like to go out and drink and get all crazy? I didn't even get the giggles. I always just feel like I need a nap. I would so not be fun drunk. I actually had someone tell me once that since I tend to be fairly happy sober, I would probably be a lousy drunk. I agree.

2. My house is dirty. Let me clarify: dirty-er than usual. I have had bronchitis for a week, both the kids have had colds, and the oldest has had some sort of weird potty training regression that almost made me lose my mind. If my energy levels ever return to normal, I have got some serious cleaning to do just to get us back up to plain old dirty, instead of almost unliveable conditions.

3. You know the buttons that come with clothes so that you have a spare button should you lose one? I have carelessly tossed these buttons, still in their tiny ziplock bags, in the top drawer in Maddy's room since her birth. She recently discovered them, has started calling them her "treasure" and will honestly have a stroke if I dare to mess with them or deny her access to them for any reason. I mean literally a jumping up and down, freaking out, fit. She has already had a time out in her bed today purely because of the fit she threw when she thought I was going to take them away.

4. My one year old licked the glass door at a McDonalds play area tonight. Ew. I could only see her from behind while she was watching her Nanny purchase a SECOND happy meal because they dared to give my three year old a boy toy instead of a purple pony unicorn. I should have had the baby lick a petri dish after just to see what would culture out.

5. Poor Britney. That's one screwed up girl. That's all I've got to say about that.

6. My pastor's wife posted on Facebook for everyone to fill her in on their favorite song. The ONLY song that jumped into my head was "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix a Lot. I shuffled through a few Christian songs in my head and then decided I was just trying to think of a way to suck up. Honestly, "Baby Got Back"? I haven't even heard that song in forever. But I really do love it.

7. My husband has finally succumbed to the billions of germs floating around in our house. Pray for me.
Sorry, almost forgot to add the link. Here's everyone else's quick takes:

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Seven Quick Takes (Vol. 3)

Wow. I can't believe this is already my third quick take. Time is flying by me this month.

1. I think time is flying by so fast because of all the holiday food and sickness in my house. This week we have had two Thanksgiving feasts, three colds, and two stomach viruses. (Mild tummy troubles, thank God.)

2. I had the best wedding cake of my life while I was pregnant with Maddy. I craved a lot of sweets with her and had the joy of attending Lindsay Bowie's wedding reception. I didn't know the bride at all so I wasn't very emotionally invested. As a result, I was LOVIN' the food at the reception. When it became cake time, I was so excited. My husband even let me have his cake so everyone wouldn't have to see the HUGELY pregnant woman go through the cake line twice. And, may I just say, that was the best cake I've ever had in my life. I understand that part of it was those crazy pregnancy hormones that make you crave stuff. But since that night, I have yet to put anything in my mouth that tastes so good and is so satisfying, all at the same time. The cravings and the hormones and the cake all came together for a strange kismet that I know will never again be recreated. And that makes me a little sad.

3. My three year old has strong tendencies toward hysteria. I have spent most of her life talking her down from emotional ledges. So a couple of weeks ago, when she was picked up from her Sunday school class in hysterics, I didn't get overly concerned. If you didn't know her well, you would assume she had been beaten or otherwise traumatized; but, knowing her as I do, I figured something set her off and she just hopped on the crazy train for a long ride. We finally got out of her that she had been put in time out and she didn't know why. Well, I figured that someone just told her to get in her seat and she interpretted that as time out. We did a little investigating and that was exactly what happened. Well, the following Sunday she tells me the same thing. So I facebooked her teacher and told her that if Maddy really got put in time out to let me know, otherwise I would just assume that she was told to get in her seat again. She facebooked me back to let me know that Maddy really did get put in time out that time. Sheesh. In Maddy's words, "Teacher just put me in time out, she didn't give me a smackin'." (She calls spankings "smackin's". It makes it sound much more brutal that the one swat she gets on her bottom for disobedience.) Three year olds can be so stinkin' crazy.

4. My one year old is allergic to air. She was born with a heinous milk allergy and was just super sensitive to everything. Thankfully, she has outgrown the milk allergy, but her current list of allergies includes avocado (Seriously, who is allergic to avocadoes? The chick at the pediatrician hadn't ever heard of a reaction to it at all. She was very interested to know what an allergic reaction to avocado looked like.), eggs (only if she eats a whole one, she can handle a few bites), and something in spaghetti sauce. I'm thinking maybe garlic? She also broke out when I made Chicken Helper fried rice. So garlic is the only thing I can think that those two things might have in common. I've gotten to the point where if we go somewhere out of the way, where someone else has cooked, I just keep the Benadryl in the diaper bag and look for the hives to start.

5. Two words that strike fear and dread into the utmost depths of my being: Christmas shopping. I've barely even begun.

6. We had this awesome writing spider that lived on our porch at the end of summer and on into fall. The girls and I would visit it every day and get excited if we got to see it sucking the life out of something. I kept thinking with the first frost it would shrivel up and die but it hung out with us until just a little before Thanksgiving. Just before Halloween it moved it's web from just outside the porch spindles to right beside the front door. My mom was so freaked by a spider that big by the front door, but it totally stayed in it's web. It was a gorgeous black and yellow spider. I miss it.

7. Ugh. I'm coughing. I have cold #2 of the week.

If you'd like to check out the others, visit Jen's blog at

Wednesday, November 26, 2008


Okay, I have two girls. I am okay with femininity in them and in me. Seriously. They wear dresses, bows in their hair, Maddy's first room was even painted pink. I am okay with pink. So I was at Toys R Us last night and for some reason all the pink toys enraged me. Not the stuff that is SUPPOSED to be pink. Dolls, and barbies, and things of that nature were fine. But have you noticed that now there has to be a pink version of everything? Your classic shape sorters are now available in bright basic colors and shades of pink. Snap beads, ball poppers, lego blocks even! All in pinks and purples. Even a freakin' pink Ouja board. Like you need just the right shade of pink so you feel all girly while you open your doorway into the demon realm. I'm not sure why it ran all over me so much. I guess because there's just no good reason for it. No research says pink is the best color for stimulating your baby. Everyone knows that bright colors and lots of contrast are best for baby. All this pink has nothing to do with the child it is intended for. That's what gets me. Because I know, out there somewhere, is some chick in a pink Mary Kay car, with a little dog wearing a pink collar in a pink pet carrier who will reproduce and her poor child will be subjected to a Pepto Bismal colored LIFE.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Seven Quick Takes (Vol.2)

And we're back to Seven Quick Takes on Friday. Here's the blog that started all this quick takes fun: You can go there and link to bunches of quick takes from different bloggers. I've been a bit foggy, but my brain feels back on track today. (Could it be because my thirteen month old has, for the first time in her life, slept all night long with no random crying? For three nights in a row!) So here we go:

1. I now feel like a real blogger. Three people that I don't know in real life have read and commented on my blog. Why this gives me great joy, I'm not sure. And one of those people was Jen of Conversion Diary, which is a blog I love. I think I was more excited about her actually reading and commenting that I would have been to meet (insert celebrity here). I think it's because she's someone whom I respect and who writes well. Let's face it, you may have a fabulous message, but if I don't enjoy your writing style or can't get past your grammar, I'm just not going to be able to be a fan.

2. Do you ever read people's blogs and wish you were their friend in real life and then realize that you probably wouldn't be their friend in real life because they just don't walk up to total strangers and recite blog posts? For example, if I met you in the grocery store, I would not launch into a diatribe about my baby's poop. That would be just weird.

3. My kids have been a joy to be around today. I may have to mark it on the calendar. The pleasant self that they usually save for the general public has been bestowed on me today. I'm not sure why, but I am going to bask in it.

4. My husband and I took our real honeymoon about 4 months after we got married. I think that all newlyweds should do the same. We went to Yellowstone National Park, which entailed huge amounts of driving and encounters with wildlife while driving. After being startled by a mule deer that decided to cross the road at an inopportune moment, my husband decided the best way to continue was in the middle of road. For the rest of the trip. Had this been a few days after the wedding, my reaction probably would have been, in my head at least, "Whatever he thinks is best, after all God chose me for him and him for me. God is in control and I am going to be a good submissive wife." However, after living together for 4 months, the gloves were beginning to come off and my reaction was more like, "What are you DOING? Now we have to worry about both oncoming traffic AND suicidal deer! We're going to die! Get over get over get over!!!!" Not that God was any less in control. I had just had time to realize that my husband was all too human and deathly afraid of mule deer jumping out in front of the car. My point is, the honeymoon can be much more of an opportunity for growth in the relationship if the butterflies and googly eyes have had a chance to settle down. We really did learn a lot about each other on that trip and got better at working things out.

5. Do you think teaching babies sign language is weird? I didn't teach either of my girls any signs, but they both taught me a few. Beyond "poop face" and "Granny scares me", I mean. My oldest made up her own sign for "no". She would make a motion like the "safe" motion in baseball, but only using one arm. My second child pats her leg for "all done" or "all gone". Her Nanny once patted her leg twice as she told this child that someone who had been outside was "all gone". Now she uses it in the high chair when she wants down. Inspired by their use of signs, I tried with each to teach them some real signs, which they both totally ignored.

6. Have you signed a petition again the Freedom of Choice Act yet? I signed one online this week. While I have always been pro-life, I haven't been very active in defending the rights of the unborn. With the recent changes in government, those of us who have only thought about the victims of abortion are going to have to stand up and fight for these babies. It's not enough now to just vote pro-life.

7. I love cheese. I once heard Rachel Ray say she'd never met a cheese she didn't like. I couldn't agree more.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Trusting God

So lately I've been thinking more about people that trust God with their fertility. A la Catholic style. Perhaps because, thanks to Jen at Conversion Diary, I've been reading Catholic blogs? We Protestants don't really hit on this one much. I think it falls under a little known "none of your beeswax" verse. The only thing is, I've never read that verse. I have my reasons for only two children and they make sense. Out there in the world, even in my church. My husband and I have a decent age difference, he has hepatitis C so we're looking at a liver transplant in the next 10 years or so, my last pregnancy kept me a depressed weepy wreck for 8 1/2 months, etc. I could go on and everyone I know would nod their heads and totally agree with me. The thing is, I know that these people who do trust God with how many kids and when don't have a special certificate from Him stating that they will live long, prosperous lives. None of us have the promise of tomorrow. So I guess it comes down to the fact that my faith is weak. I really don't trust God enough to do that. (Even if I did, my husband would think it's the nuttiest thing I've ever come up with.) So I guess I say all that to say that I greatly admire the faith of people who do allow God to determine the size of their family. I know that there is a special blessing in store for them.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Seven quick takes (Vol. 1)

So I got this idea from one of my favorite blogs (I hope I just did that right.) Anyway, she challenged her readers to do a seven quick takes blog entry on Fridays like she does and link back to her. So since I didn't have a decent entry, with any thought involved, I thought I'd give this a shot.

1. I have realized recently that a friend of mine is officially a Martha. Clean house, totally organized, lives to entertain, even has a blog about it. My questions are: (A) why does she even like me? Is it because she's never seen my house?, (B) How do people live that way? I couldn't take the pressure. My daily To Do list generally goes like this:
Keep the children alive.
Make sure the kitchen is neither on fire, nor growing anything gross.
Put the towels in the dryer before they get stinky.
And that's about it. Oh, and facebook obsessively.

2. I was inspired by this cleaning/organizing blog and while the kids were in the tub threw out some old hair/makeup stuff in the bathroom. Do you realize I still had banana clips? You know the hair clips that automatically gave you a faux mo, kind of like a horses mane down your back. Especially if your hair was rolled, a little teased and SERIOUSLY hairsprayed. Like mine was. These clips had to be 20 years old. No one, not even me thank goodness, has worn those since about 1988.

3. I love my Dyson vacuum cleaner. Some day I will write and post a poem to its awesome suction and genius in design.

4. Today my three year old started an annoying laugh. It sounds like "heh heh heh heh heh" along the lines of Beavis and Butthead, but not so nasal. How do I make this stop? It's driving me crazy. It's a full blown habit and I would feel guilty if I actually punished her for it.

5. I have to pee.

6. I copied this from the awesome blog I linked to, but have you seen the anti-God advertisements that some humanists are putting out? The big catch line is "Just be good for GOODNESS sake." Because the atheists were feeling a bit left out during the holidays. Seriously....these people say there is no absolute truth and then pick the term "good" to use in their catchphrase.

7. I LOVE the Veggie tales song about s'mores. We sing it in the car at the top of our lungs. Even the baby grins when it comes on.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Coffee day

So I started my day with coffee today. I'll let you guess why: (a) I always start with coffee. I'm that kind of person, (b) The nip of fall in the air gave me a craving, or (c) This cursed time change has ruined my thirteen month old. For those of you that guessed (c), you get the prize. (I'm too tired to come up with a witty prize yet. Give me time.) And I guess tonight we will return to the tried and trusted "cry it out" method for resetting my baby. It's so much easier with the clocks. And quieter. I wish Katie had a button for daylight savings time, too.

Friday, October 31, 2008

On snake handling

So, I was raised Pentecostal. Speaking in tongues, slain in the spirit, hair down to your butt, if you wear make-up or pierce your ears you're going to hell Pentecostal. Not that I subscribed to the hair, make-up or earrings rules. My mama figured she had jurisdiction over those things and if she thought I was modest, nobody else was going to tell me I wasn't. But we didn't do the snake stuff in church. I've just been kidded about it my whole life. I think that's more of a West Virginia religious activity. My snake handling came about in a totally different way. I knew a guy once who volunteered regularly at Bays Mountain Park. I was immediately interested (in the volunteering at the park, not him). He worked with the birds of prey. So I went up, met a few volunteers and got a gander (so to speak) at the birds. Large birds. Who rip up little furry creatures with their huge curved beaks and razor-sharp talons. BUT I loved this park and the idea of helping there really appealed. Until I filled out the volunteer information sheet and saw,(cue angelic music from heaven) , that reptiles were also a volunteer option. Oh happy day! So I skipped out on the big scary birds and signed up for snakes. Basically I'd show up a couple of times a month and just wear a sweet snake in the herpetarium so that visitors could pet the snake, ask questions, etc. It was wonderful. One of the most fabulous things I have ever done. If I could do that everyday and afford to feed my family, I would. Because, you see, the snake broke down boundaries. Here I was in my little Bays Mtn polo shirt and khakis, and scary looking people, (lots of tattoos, piercings, black clothing, and general attitude) would talk to me. With their guards down. They would not see me as someone from another layer in society. We would share our interest in the sweet snake I happened to be holding or wearing at that moment. It was so nice to be able to do that. I'm pretty friendly in general, but you know how it is. Some people just assume that YOU don't necessarily want to talk to THEM and don't give you the eye contact or opportunity. Not so with the snake in play.

I also got to do school programs for the park one spring. Which was SO fun. I would have a room full of kids on a field trip and get to tell them all about snakes. And after my spiel, would get to watch the wonder of a little kid petting a black king snake and seeing the pretty checkerboard pattern on his tummy for the first time. One of my favorite incidences from my field trip days was when I had opted for a larger snake to hold during my talk. (You can hold any age group spellbound if you're letting a snake roam free over your upper body while you talk.) This was a beautiful chocolate brown pine snake. I think she was only about 3 or 4 feet long, but pretty powerful. I was talking and not paying attention and she looped around my neck. Not attacking in any way, I was just a warm, mobile tree for her. A little girl in the back raised her hand and said, very timidly, "I think she's trying to kill you." So then I had to go into the whole "what I did was bad, don't ever let a snake wrap around your neck" routine.

One last anecdote, I had a tendency to wear my hair twisted up in a clip at the time. While holding the smaller king snake, the little devil slipped up through my hair UNDER the clip and popped his head out the top of my hair. (This is the same snake who got so tangled in my bra once, I had to go to the back and take off my shirt to get him untangled.) Now snake scales lay a certain way. It is very hard to finagle a snake backwards through something like hair that hangs on the scales. So in order to precipitate his removal, I stepped into the bathroom, looking a little like a young Medusa. Some poor, unfortunate woman happened to be relieving herself and missed my entrance. She exited her stall, saw me in front of the mirror pulling a snake out of the top of my head and just hit the door running. She didn't even wash her hands. Not very hygienic, if you ask me. That's all on snakes for now. That was for you, Angela.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

I'm a blogger?

I never thought I'd be doing this. This sort of thing never really appealed to me until I started reading some blogs of people that I don't know well, but really like from a distance. So, here I am. Don't expect much. I have mommy brain and much of my life is composed of poop, major developmental milestones, and CareBears dvds.
Today I have been feeling the irony. The girls and I have had a more quiet week. Not so much running for once. And I have been feeling like such a better mommy. Less TV, lots more veggies on the girls plates, things of that nature that make mommies feel competent. And the irony is: All these wonderful veggies are tearing up Katie's tummy. Maddy has always had the digestion of a goat. Anything could go in, no change in potty habits. Katie on the other hand, now has a red bottom from being set free by the veggies. Poor baby, she loves them so much. And it's not even anything exotic. Just corn, green beans, cauliflower. So I suppose I'll just hope that her system adjusts to a healthier diet and layer on the Desitin. Does anybody really want to read this? Seriously?